Thursday, May 15, 2008

Pool Party at 3:00 on Friday 5-16

B.Y.O.T. (Bring Your Own Towel) I'll provide the H2O.

Thursday, May 8, 2008


A list of ridiculous things.

1. Guys who high-five when a song comes on (You can just give a simple smirk when Low comes on)
2. Wearing bandannas (it feels awkward when I see a real gangster wearing the same bandana)
3. Yelling at the tv (dude, I get it, Thorton missed his chance, he knows it, cause the Tank is booing him. I'm not Thorton, dont yell, I'm the only one in the room)
4. Bluetooth ear piece (take it out, you're trying too hard)
5. Tail Gaiters (unless you have flashing lights, get off my butt or ill pull my e-brake)
6. Thumbs Up (Thats not an answer to how ya doin, it's for smelly people with cardboard in their hand, so unless you need to get somewhere, keep the thumb in your pocket)
7. Blogs (dont people have better things to do)
8. Global Warming (I dont believe it, have you been to the Ranch? It's so cold when the sun goes down)
9. Free Range Chickens (if you're going to have a cause about something, lets not make it chickens)
10. Quoting movies (Wayne’s World was cool, was)
11. Texas (I messed with Texas)
12. Mother's Day cards at 5:00pm (3 dudes looking at cards, one guy leaves and you're mad cause you know he got the last good one)
13. Olive Garden ( I could fill up on a loaf of bread at me house)
14. Sunglasses Inside ( Bro, you could just come tell me you're legit)
15. Overdraft Fees (I'm already broke, dont break my heart and send me a letter telling me how broke I am)
16. Livestrong Bracelets (I like the cause, not the fashion statement)

Updated 17-23

17. Fireworks with Smiley Faces (And don't cheer for them, they can't hear over the noise of being blown up)
18. Camo Shorts (Ya, I can see your white socks. Unless you're Lt. Dan)
19. Movie Theatres (See a past post)
20. Rachael Ray (Seriously, two shows and a magazine! She is worse than The Oprah)
21. Albertos Cantina in Pleasanton (If you have ever eaten there you know what I mean, if not then remember this - 'Albertos, No Bueno!')
22. Gamers (...)
23. The fact that it's 11:45 on a Thursday night and I just added the last 6 Ridicu-list entries!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

I Want a Marlin

I don't know what it is, maybe summer timre, but a Marlin would really look good above the TV. I was watching one of those fishing shows this morning while eating some fruit and thought "I need a Marlin". So what I'm sayin is if you know of a local marlin dealer let me know.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Pleasanton Police Ride Along

I'm currently writing this post from the front seat of a police car on my blackberry while listening to 99.7 and watching codes like 5150, 33, 34 come across our monitor. Yes our monitor because someone at walmart thought I was a plain clothed officer. Anyways I have a few minutes to explain. I'm doing a ride along for this thing I'm in with Pleasanton. My partner here tonight rules, I got to cuff a perp and pull over my junior year AP civics teacher. Currently we are in Pleasanton responding code 3 to a 5150, we requested back up from J12 code 2 once we arrived on scene. I can't get into it too much because its kinda like doctor client confidenciallity, but cop style, you know. Check out the pictures of me with an AK. Ya, I'm trained how to use the heat.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Pool Party - Bring Out The Floaties

On May 1st we will be turning on the heater to the pool and kicking off the summer.
Here is what we have to look forward to:

  • Guess What Animal I am (made famous by Sluke)

  • Tan Lines (I have a 16 so far)

  • Surfing (On Charlie's back)

  • Playing Hookie and swimming on Tuesdays at 1:00

  • Luke will be returning soon, so pretty much anytime you want to swim, call Luke and he will join in.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

What I like about Cancer

First Off...
(read this like we dated)
Hey, whats up, it's been a while. How are you, you look good, I, I guess. Your hair, sweet, seem like a SoCal kind a girl now... I heard you got into that program, thats really cool. So, I heard you've been lookin at Dan Bowen's blog too, thats cool, I guess. Oh! I saw your mom last week at the grocery store she umm, pretended like she didnt see me, and went down the pet isle and pretended to look at cat food, thats weird you have a dog that looks like a rat. Are you mad at me? I just took some time off to focus on my career (code for other blog). But I really like you and want your readership back. I promise I've changed, Ill write more, be funny and link to other blogs too. Will you have me back!? Really, oh wow, I wont let you down.

So... Ill write a bit more about the COND, hope you enjoy.

I was at the COND pool today for the first time this year (heater not on, umm... ya, if i wanted to scream like a girl I would have punched myself in the face, but before I get into what I like about cancer I must saw, COND pool party coming soon.

This is a warm up post for the COND future posts.

As Josh and I were sitting there soaking up the sun, and getting a good base in preparation for our trip to Cabo I realized this is such a horrible thing to do, not the exposing our bodies to the good looking people, but the sun cooking the white off my body. Cancer is bad, bad like Onion Rings at the Hopyard, but yet there is something so good about it. The feeling you get of the sun infecting your body with cancer, it's out of this world.

How to avoid cancer? No way to avoid... Sorry.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Cuzo Crew + T

In case you didnt know, now you know. Cuzo Crew + T.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

If you google your name what do you get?

So I was thinking... Why dont I google my name and see what I get. Actually I do it quite a bit. And then I thought what would I find if I google other people I know.
Ya, I know what you are thinking why use google when there are so many other search engines. Well my answer to you is google is worth billions of dollars and thats my only answer.

Tyler Moxley

Charlie Meng

Chris Pletcher

Chris Conley

Luke Peterson


Josh Perry

Sarah Burns

Jen Morse

Allison Auser

Let me know if you can google anything worth posting

Friday, January 4, 2008

So stormy and cooold,

This post was intended to be published yesterday...

I woke up this morning to the rain beating my window like it was Gaston and the towns men breaking down the castle door to get to the Beast and with a little tickle in my throat, so like any good boy I went down stairs made some coffee and noticed the rain was entering my patio like a renegade force dropping from the sky at a 37 degree angle and clinging to my cushions like a Jr. High couple. After addressing the water intrusion I returned to my home to flip on the news and in case you were not watching the weather report at 11:30 like me... here is what you missed.

Ya thats the COND smack in the middle of what looks like my stomach after eating at the worst Downtown Pleasanton restaurant Albertos Cantina.

Now I dont normally stick around for half the morning in my sweats and neither does Pletcher, but today was a bit different due to scheduling errors... So this is what we were doing while the rain was trying to kill us.

Insert picture here (cant figure out how to send a picture on my new phone)

Imagine coffee in hand and fire place a blazing with our sweats being all comfortable!

Thats life...

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Droppin A Few Names

The COND would like to thank the following.
  1. Jake Foster for your amazing pallet.
  2. Nick Rodrigues for reuniting David
  3. D-Bo for all your inspiration of wasting life and writing a blog
  4. Ton Face for helping to get the COND blog rolling
  5. Matty Sill for your artistic touches
  6. The Pletcher - Adams family (Tim, Gina, Dawson, Danny, Rachel) love the ranch!
  7. All people with an S before their name (You know who you are)
  8. Guests to our gatherings (Plan on a Camo party soon in '08)
  9. Mike and Sally Meng for bringing us food
  10. Black Santa (D-Bo knows)
  11. My mom for getting me a vacuum
  12. Winter, for giving me a reason to wear my new hoodie
  13. Jen, Allison, Sarah (Suppie)
  14. Sluke, cause it's always sunny with Sluke
  15. SoCal - I mean really, I love hobos on my couch
  16. Gusha and Young Life pals
  17. Hopyard
  18. Redcoats
  19. Popi Lounge(Good times be had and the Popi, always)
  20. SaddleRack
  21. Josh Perry (remember Walnut Creek)
  22. EDGE (nothing like paying top dollar to look more beautiful)
  23. Food Network (minus Rachael Ray)
  24. Heroes (Mondays 9, 8 central)
  25. Ashley for providing food
  26. Joel & Cara for renting out your home to people who are not home too often
  27. Al Gore (so I can get on the internet)
  28. Tate Bowen for being sooooooo cute
  29. Kevin & Shannon for all you provide (yadda mean)
  30. MLKjr. for giving us a day off work
  31. Our Ladies...
  32. CL
  33. BP
  34. CLC
  35. Clego
  36. JBC
  37. MDM
  38. RP
  39. TB
  40. Clarissa (my navigation) cause she explains it all
  41. NY Pizza
  42. Department of Justice for spying on me
  43. Spice Girls for not coming back, oh wait, Charlie just said they did come back.... Give me cancer now!
  44. People who keep sending mail to my parents house with the wrong address hoping it will come to the COND
  45. Crappy Realty TV for giving me nothing to look forward to on tv
  46. Perry Family
  47. Pletcher for droppin it
  48. Founders of the Lodge
  49. You
  50. Cuzo Crew now Cuzo Crew +T (The Wolf)

Top 10 Events in 2007

2007 was another amazing year with many memorable things happening. After minutes of thinking and brainstorming sessions with myself and Charlie we have come up with the top 10 events for the COND in 2007.

10. Flo Rida T-Pain (Get Low):
This was the best song to be released since Nelly's Country Grammar.

9. Renovated the COND:
A few new additions - 50" HDTV, some paint on the walls, Recliner on the Patio, A few more naked men (Davids).

8. I got a new hoodie and stunners:
Ya I did, gray hoodie and white stunners (I look like the unabomber) and Luke got red ones to match so when we cruz my whip we get all the girls holler at us! If you know what I'm sayin'.

7. Pletcher Ranch:
So I may or may not have shot Bambi, but it looked big from 250 yards away. Pletcher got a buck, Charlie got his first kill and Conley embraced his White Trash roots from when he was a child.

6. Fosters, Cody & Amy, Mayersons are pregnant; Bowens become 3 & Kirschner became 4; I became an uncle again and Jen is an Aunt (update that blog!):
Need I say more.

5. Charlie had a girlfriend:
She's Great!

4. Pletcher moved in:
The COND got hotter with this addition, but I think it may have brought down his stock of beauty being associated with us.

3. Peter saved the world:

2. David was reunited with his brothers:
After a reconnaissance mission to the border of Mexico another statue of David was purchased so he would have a brother and I picked up a midget David too.

1.5 Charlie was discovered:
Now a model with la EDGE and the face of all that is Downtown Danville beauty.

Yes, this was the #1 event because now you too can share in the beauty of all that is COND.

Stay tuned for the COND thank yous...

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Why I dont watch movies

People talk about movies like it's the new coolest thing and if you have not seen it then you are missing out. As if I need to see a movie like I need water and clean oxygen. If you know me you know I dont like movies and I only talk about a few movies (Malibu's Most Wanted, Goonies, and Fight Club if I feel like being cool). Just so you know, this is why I dont like watching movies:
  1. Cost - it may not be that much when compared to gas, housing, or the price of corn, but really $25 by the time I buy 2 tickets and knock off Sour Patch Kids just to be 'in', I would rather buy one of those crazy New Era hats.
  2. My knee hurts - I have one of the weirdest things happening to my right knee. It's known as Osgood slaughter, ya it a real thing. I cant bend my knee for 2 hours without pain. Add to that the pain of a lot of poorly written and cast movies, which brings me to my next point.
  3. Nicolas Cage is still working - Kevin Meng may be the only person who agrees with me on this one, but really another National Treasure movie, didnt we get all the answers in the last one? How many tard filled movies need to come out before we get the picture.
    1. Movies like Who's Your Caddy, Norbit, The Number 23 and I Know Who Killed Me were released. Here is a discussion between two people about to see one of them. Billy calls bobby. "Hey Billy want to go see Norbit?" Oh Norbit is out, sure, just let me finish writing my blog, cause I'm an uber nerd and have nothing better to do."
  4. I cant pause it - I just spent $7.50 on a liter of cola and I'm gonna finish it because I'm a good American and must consume it all. Once I suck all that liquid out my bladder is working on overdrive and my arm is twitching from the caffeine and I need to run around.
  5. Strangers - Maybe I want to make a call, take off my shoes or burp from my cola, I cant, people I dont know get all upset. And what about that guy behind you who keeps kneeing your seat, thats not fun! I do the half turn of my head hoping he will get the hint, but he is too busy pounding junior mints to notice me and my sly hint.
I could go on and I'm sure there are others out there like me who would rather stay home and watch a free movie on TBS

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Food, Fun, Nelly and John May

Last night I had the pleasure to spend some time with the legend John May. If you don't know John you are seriously missing out. The night started at Redcoats (see previous blog). Jake and Melissa Foster, John, Ty, and I enjoyed some fine food (the shepards pie is outstanding) and some wonderful conversation. John May is from L.A. and was astounding Tyler with his music prowess. He informed us of the new nelly track. So good... After dinner, Jake, John and I played some poker and continued catching up. Jake and John are two of my favorite people and they had me laughing so hard I was crying. It was an incredible night.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Oh What A Night - Downtown P-Town

If you know me you know I love Downtown Pleasanton and the major attractions it offers. Tonight the COND (minus Pletcher) went to the new Redcoats on St. Marys St. with Jen, Sarah, Allison Dan & Melissa + Tate, & Sluke. All in all a pretty good night, but the infamous 'upstairs' was more of a 1/2 level which took about 5 steps to get up to the 'VIP' room. None the less the COND presents... will have an event there soon, very soon. I, as well as Charlie and Conley got the fish and chips, but were rewarded with onion rings instead of chips because they ran out!! I expect onion rings every time now! My recommendation, try it, love it, enjoy it! Bigger story of the night (at least for Conley) was the 4 fire trucks barreling down Main St. to a fire above Quiznos - See photo.

I love fires as much as the next guy - except this guy, it was his place - See photo.

If you also know me, you know I love the Pleasanton Weekly and I read it twice a week, but I didn't see Jeb on this breaking story, so I will take credit for breaking it! Note the time and that I'm writing this an hour later. All in all another great night in Downtown P-Town!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Arrival of the SLUKE (cool hand Luke)

For those of you who do not know Sluke (Luke Peterson) and for those of you who do know Sluke, we are only days away from his much anticipated arrival. Yes boys and girls, Sluke will arrive in the Yay Area on the 19th, just in time to celebrate the 'Holidays' Greet him, love him, just dont ask him to be your Santa (see below).